“Everybody has built his home of shifting sans in the world,” he smiled. “Everyone in the System comes to a point where they lose all belief, and are confused and say that they are nowhere…. you are not the only one. Until one forgets everything, Samskaras will remain. I never had this trouble. I, of course, had my beliefs; everyone has, but Karmas and things like this did not bother me …. I believed in Him alone.” He proceeded to tell me what a wild and violent boy he was until his Rev. Guru took him in his hands and his life was turned completely.
The Guru of his Rev guru said to his disciples: “Everyone has to die, life is short (he was 107 years old). I am sorry I could not take you to the stage i intended, but you work alone to reach there.
This is always said so,” he remarked, looking kindly at me. The teacher will never tell the disciple that the teaching is finished and he knows all that there is to know, in order that thee disciple should not be proud.”
Speaking of Chowdrie, I said he has had an easy life.
“Yes an easy life, easy and smooth , no family to worry about. We have to live our life in the world and be occupied with worldly affairs, and reach the highest station in spite, or rather, because of it. For the greater is the limitation, the greater will be the ultimate perfection by overcoming it. Very few reach it indeed. It is very difficult”
“That’s why you want me to go back, because you think my life here is too easy!”
“It is not a question of easy or difficult” he said “but the human being has to work. You come here and go back; you make no effort.”
“Oh, I thought that I am making such terrible effort! this morning I was weeping bitterly for a long time because my life is full of misery in every way!”
“From my point of view it is nothing.” he said, and went into Samadhi for a short while. Then he said: “There things will happen much more than here ….much more….” He went silent again.
“Bogroff when he was here was full of love . He was sitting here on the brick elevation where I used to walk and wen people asked him if he as hot – it was in June – he used to answer that he was all right. So full of love was he, he did not feel anything.”
This is for me, I thought…. I seem not to be quite there yet; more love is needed if I am still complaining. The day must come when I will be no more. But when?
I said to me it seems that only love is et, and its shadow-side hatred, and belief in Him like a rising sun on the horizon, and nothing more.
“Only one thing will remain”, he said slowly\
“Is this thing Love?”
“Only one thing”,he repeated without answering my question, and then ,“even this will not remain.” He fell silent and closed his eyes. I wondered . . . it looks as if my going to London will represent the supreme test. I always thought so, but from the hints I get it is going to be terrible Somehow I am not really much worried.